My Mistake
by Hinata-hime
Summary: My life was just one big mistake. It’d be better if I wasn’t even me. Spoilers up til ch. 151


**AN: **woa, what do you know? Me posting my first Bleach fic…that's something I thought I'd never do. Anyway, a short one-shot that really was a spur of the moment, after reading the entier Bleach series in 2 days, I just needed to write something about chapter 150. I loved that part so much! Anyway, I know it sucks (considering I did it in ½ hr) and it's basically retelling the chapters up to 151 in Rukia's P.O.V. Ends sort of suddenly, but I didn't want to drag it for a long time...Enjoy!

**Summary: **My life was just one big mistake. It'd be better if I wasn't even me.

**Disclaimer: **obviously not! Go buy it off of Kubo Tite-sensei if you want to own Bleach!

**Spoilers: **Chapters up until 151

* * *

My Mistake

* * *

I swear it; I could almost see him smirk behind me. He'd always been like that, since I'd met him many years ago. Ichimaru Gin, that is. His constant 'smile', those slits he called eyes…even way back when he'd only address Nii-sama, tiny beads of sweat always used to line my forehead. Maybe it was his specialty, because when I met him on the bridge, just moments ago, it was truly astounding how he could dash any hope I had left. 

I was positive that there was nothing left in this world for me.

"Get up," one of the gruff voices of my keepers commanded. Had they no respect for a noble family anymore? Well, what kind of respect do **I** deserve anyway? I'm a filthy person down to my core. All the things I've done, people I've lost…what's the point?

It was better before everything. Before the human world even before becoming a shinigami. When I was young, I made a friend, Abarai Renji. The tricky devil he may have been, but being a thief never suited him very well. I was quite young at the time as well, so being as naïve as I was, had the sense to go in and help him. What kind of man couldn't even steal a bite to eat?

So it turns out that he and I…had our fair share of similarities. Namely our unusual amount of spiritual power. So we enrolled in school to graduate, and became shinigami together.

My first mistake.

It turns out, that I was quite exceptional in my studies and in my performance. Renji was also very smart, and I don't see why I got chosen over him. "You must be Rukia," a voice had said to me that I would never forget.

It was Kuchiki Byakuya, the strongest, and heir to one of the four most noble families in the Soul Society. "Follow me, if you would," and without a glance back he walked away. I'd followed nervously until he turned around to face me, his eyes piercing through my very being. I shifted uncomfortably and noticed several other Kuchiki clan members behind him. This time, the elder spoke to me.

"A lot of thought has been put into this. The Kuchiki clan," he paused, "has offered to adopt you, Rukia. It would mean immediate graduation from the academy, and instant placement in the 13th division…"

I was stunned, plain and simple. Never had I imagined something like this was possible. Me, without a home, without a surname, being accepted into the Kuchiki clan. "Hey, Rukia! Guess what I've got great…" Renji had appeared at the corner and his eyes fell upon all members of the noble family…and lastly me.

"We patiently await your response," the elder spoke, and the entire family turned on its heal and left.

"What was…"

I interupted my friend, "Renji, they…want to adopt me to the Kuchiki family."

He looked shocked for a few moments, then gave one of the biggest grins I remember, "That's so cool! Imagine that, me, Abarai Renji knowing someone from the noble family!"

I rested my hand on his shoulder for the last time that day. "Thank you." I left with my head down that day. I should have been ecstatic, but instead I felt lost. I lost myself that day, for I was no longer just Rukia, I was Kuchiki Rukia now. Me and Renji, were in different leagues now.

My second mistake.

As promised, I was assigned to the 13th division. It was then my harsh treatment commenced. Everyone tried to treat me special in front of my face, simply because I was from the Kuchiki family. It made me sick. Then behind my back I could hear them whispering how I got in without taking the entrance exam, or noble favoritism. It was waiting in that room, where I'd find a new friend who happened to be my superior.

"I am vice-captain Shiba Kaien, nice to meet you."

At this point, I was fairly unamused. "Yes…hello…"

That's when the weirdness of my relationship with Kaien-dono started. "'Yes', 'hello'? What the hell is your problem? The vice-captain introduced himself to you so you should at least give your name and say 'nice to meet you too'!"

At this point now, I was rather frazzled, "Uh…I'm Kuchiki Rukia, nice to meet you too…"

Then he gave me a smile. It was comforting, and I knew then, that I was safe. "That's the way, Rukia."

It was a normal meeting, a normal introduction, a normal scolding and a normal relationship between a superior and his subordinate. That normality was what I desired the most.

Kaien-dono, also had a wife. She was the woman occupying the 3rd seat in the division. She was smart and gentle, but more so, was a beautiful person. I looked up to her; she was my idol. And…she was also slain by a powerful Hollow.

Kaien wanted revenge, and I went with him, as well as the captain of the division. "Captain, permission to fight alone." Now I wonder why, why didn't I stop him?

My third mistake.

"Granted."

At first I sat back and watched with ease. He was doing fine on his own, but we all underestimated the Hollow before us. In a matter of seconds, his entire soul cutter had shattered into pieces. Why hadn't I stopped him then? For his pride, was what the captain had said. However, I still stand by what I'd said. His life was far more important than his pride. But not for him.

I wasn't quite sure what'd happened next, but the Hollow had used some kind of unknown ability. I called out to my superior. A bad decision on my part, as I can never forget the image I saw.

* * *

"We're here," that same voice from before, who'd told me to get up. Darn him, interrupting my reflection on the past. A tall white tower stood in front of me. I would never forget it. This was the last place I'd see. This was my grave. But I walked on.

* * *

Anyway, his face was terrifying. It was possessed. Possessed by that God-forsaken Hollow. "You called, little girl?" There were no eyes, there was just black. His tongue was lashed out, drooling like a wild beast. I could only stand in fear as he leapt at me. 

The captain stood in front of me, "Run, Kuchiki." So I did. It was probably the hardest thing to do in my life. But something stopped me once I reached safety in the trees. I didn't want to leave Kaien-dono in that form. What kind of subordinate would I be then, so taking a few shaky paces, my sword clenched tightly against my chest. I could see the captain was in danger, he was injured. It was my responsibility to see he wasn't harmed any further.

"Kuchiki you idiot! I told you to run away!" but I wasn't listening anymore. Sweat ran down my face as the possessed Kaien ran towards me. "Kill it!" What was I to do? My hands were shaking. "Kill it, Kuchiki!" His words finally sunk in. That wasn't Kaien-dono. That was a drooling monster without a heart.

I shut my eyes tight and prayed. 'I hope you can forgive me, Kaien-dono.' And that's when I stabbed him in the chest.

"Kuchiki," his soft voice were as loud as a canon in my ears, "I dragged you into this…my stubbornness has caused you pain. I'm sorry. You must be torn apart inside."

I was, heavens knew I was. It was killing me.

"Thanks to you, my heart can still…stay here."

I didn't deserve to be thanked. I had run away. I was scared of his face. I came back, because if I hadn't guilt would bite me back later. I stabbed him, because he was in pain, and I couldn't bare to see that. The only person that had saved Kaien-dono…

* * *

Once again my thoughts were interrupted. The chains still around my neck,the head of the Soul Society, Yama-sama, came before me to anounce: "Let the ceremony begin." I tilted my head towards the sky.

* * *

…was my ugly self. I don't deserve to be rescued. I don't deserve anyone standing by me. 

I had the same feeling when Ichimaru came to see me on that bridge. I was afraid, I was very afraid. Renji had almost died because of my fitly being. Ichimaru guaranteed he would die…and it was all my fault. Was it…my fault? Or was it that kid, Ichigo's?

It was a few months ago, since I gave my shinigami powers away. He'd used it to save his family.

My forth mistake.

I never actually had thought about the consequences, until I'd realized all my powers had been drained. Somehow, I didn't regret it, being a part of the human world. I was accepted as Kuchiki Rukia without being a noble, but as a person with a life. It was a normal life that I didn't belong in. I shouldn't have had friends, and I shouldn't have gotten Ichigo involved. I shouldn't have gotten his classmates involved. I enjoyed the human realm very much, but that was something that couldn't last.

Look what that did. He'd followed me all the way to the Soul Society to rescue me. I always knew he was an idiot…like Kaien-dono. Heck, he could even be his reincarnation. Both stubborn idiots who'd rather save another person than their own life.

I looked around me. There were only a few captains around. The rest were either injured or on duty. One figure walked my way, and my eyes widened. "Nii…sama…?"

My own adopted brother, didn't even look at me in the eye, rather turned his head. That was normal, he'd never cared for me too much. I couldn't help but feel a little sad though. Yama-sama stood tall before me. "Kuchiki Rukia. Do you have any last words?"

Did I really have any? My life was over as a stupid moronic baby who could only run in fear with her life. Wouldn't that have made Ichigo's sacrifice and attempted rescue for nothing? I had to give something back, or else I'd never pass on freely. "Yes…just one thing…"

An eerie silence loomed over the area. "If you please, send the intruders back to their home." My eyes were too low to see the expression on the captains' faces, and I could only guess.

They discussed quietly amongst themselves for some time. "As requested, by tomorrow, the intruders will be sent back safely." More captains whispered to each other.

"Really? I'm…very grateful," and to even my own surprise, I put on a saddened smile.

"Release the seal of the Soukyoku." My eyes closed. After being stirred up by Ichimaru, my heart was again at peace. Was it because of the leader's agreement to my request? Or maybe it's because…when my mind was in chaos trying to think of ways to stay alive, Nii-sama didn't even look this way and acted so sincerely.

"Thank you very much, Nii-sama."

This time, it wasn't a mistake to thank him.

My feet lifted from the ground. I was standing on a single block of wood, hundreds of feet of the ground; my arms bound to other blocks by an invisible force. Then a loud noise rocked the earth. The sound of the Soukyoku's spearhead taking on a new form.

I watched in marvel as it was engulfed in flame. Standing before me now, was a giant firebird. It's magnificent tail swayed back and forth, as its eyes focused on mine.

For some reason, I wasn't scared. No, now I was content with my life. Reflecting did me a lot of good. I wouldn't have traded my life for another's. Meeting Renji and the others. Being adopted by Nii-sama. Having Kaien-dono's guidance. Then…Ichigo's attempted rescue. For me now, there's no pain, no sadness. No regrets. There is…nothing for my heart to linger in this world. So to all of you. Renji, fellow shinigami, Chad, Orihime, Ishida, Nii-sama and certainly most…Ichigo: thank you.

And goodbye.

A tear escaped my eye, as the heat of the Soukyoku now approached towards me.

The final mistake of my life.

The heat became almost to the point I felt like melting. It was probably what it felt like since the spear had pierced right through my body. I was so sure it had…right?

I wrenched open one eye. How was it possible to be alive? Then I saw an orange cloak came into view. It couldn't be…

Yet it was, "Yo." A rather happy looking Ichigo stood, rather, levitated in front of me. It was like his presence had pushed back the Soukyoku.

There was nothing better to describe my emotion than shocked. I was sad and happy, angry and stunned all at once. I yelled at him, when deep down, all I wanted to do was jump into his arms and hug him. The yelling would wait for later. But that was in my head, so the yelling would do for now.

"Stop! What do you think you're doing?" I screamed. I was scared again. If he died, my conscience would never again be cleared.

"What does it look like? I'm going to destroy this thing."

My pleads requesting to drop it were useless. I should have known him better then that by now. "Shut your mouth and watch," was what he said to me. So for once in my life, I did. The blocks beneath my feet began to crumble, but before I could fall, I felt a strong arm catch me. "Stop telling me to leave you and run away. It's so annoying. I told you before, I don't care what you say. Heh, this is the second time now…I've come to save you, Rukia."

He was holding me like a potato sack, slung over his free arm doubled over. I was relieved. I was happy. I was every mixed emotion. Tears pricked my eyes. "I…I won't thank you for this…idiot!"

He didn't look my way. Just out to the distance and smiled. "Fine."

So maybe…I'll have just a few more moments to come, to make some more mistakes.

**END**


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